Not being someone who does things halfway, I went with a high fiber cereal, I mean like Colon Blow from the old SNL skit. They call it Fiber One these days, but it’s the same thing: 51% of your daily fiber in one cup of this stuff. It’s not sticks and twigs; it tastes all right so I chowed down…
Good mornin’ intestinal tract! Here’s your wake up hand grenade!
Yeah, there’s something unwise about dropping 13 grams of fiber into your body at 6:30 in the morning. I found that out the hard way. It didn’t hit me until around lunch. That giant gob of fiber formed an air bubble of some kind, a “blank spot” in my intestines that worked its way along, rumbling through my colon the rest of the afternoon…
To call it gurgling would not be giving you the proper mental picture of the sound my colon made from noon until about four. It was like a slide trombone that badly needed its spit valve emptied crossed with a kettledrum mixed with that sucking sound your foot makes when you pull it out of a patch of sloppy, wet mud.
It’s a great sound to make in the middle of a meeting or a client presentation.
I tried to shift around in my seat, make a little cover-up noise, hope nobody noticed.
So yeah, for the sake of my day job (and my dignity) it’s back to Cheerios.