I'll be sitting on a bench waiting for the train to pull into the station and I think: "what if one just hit me? Right now."
"How would that be?"
Would I grip my chest and fall to the ground? Would any of my fellow commuters, the men and women in their black business outfits, would any of them come and help me? Whip out their cell phones and call an ambulance? Would any one know what to do? Would I? Would help come in time? I've seen guys on the train (and they're usually guys) who have seizures or something and it takes half an hour sometimes for the train to pull in and the paramedics to run up to the door with their stretcher. I've always wondered if those guys made it...
But just now, ten minutes of waiting on the platform, the thought came over me: would I feel it? I felt it the last time but didn't know what it was exactly. Would I feel it? Would I panic? Would I drift away, slowly dying without my family nearby, all alone on the cold cement with a bunch of people I've seen every day, pretty much, neighbors, fellow commuters who are, after 18 years, pretty much still strangers.
Yeah, it's been over three years since I almost had a heart attack and I still think of these things. Makes for a fun rest of the day.